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The Family Christmas Album - 2013 Edition

Even when I first proposed doing an album for our cherished love ones, Ashley chuckled (politely). After realizing I was serious, however, she agreed to it tentatively - pending a budget review. Originally I proposed CD packaging and such, but later thought that a digital delivery was both economically sound and lazy - winning on both counts.

As I considered the possibilities, I realized that I could release this as a web site AND flex some of my app development muscle to put together a mobile app that users could enjoy without having to resort to "browser-ing about".

To begin, I knew I needed to select 4 songs (Ashley insisted that this be a short "album") that I felt we were perfectly capable of ruining.

A fifth song would really round things out - for this, I knew I could turn to Reese and her passion for making music via GarageBand on my MacBook. I might even be able to convince her to do a music video. This, it turns out, took no effort.

Decision-making on the specific tracks and the order they should appear in took a little time, but were finally settled. A large chunk of the time was devoted to writing lyrics for the "Gift Rappin" track and doing so in a way that would make Ashley less resistant to performing.

In the post-lunch regrets of having ingested way too much Jimmy Johns, I began building this page to log the slow process from ideation to creation. Special effects (like the snowfall) were added and tweaked and imagery, where appropriate, was added.

Curated from the likes of Barenaked Ladies (with Sarah "Mac") and even Dave Matthews, the songs that you will find here are butchered beyond recognition from the source material they were lifted from. After all of this, it is important to remember that this is meant to be fun and, at a stretch, funny.

Killing ear drums and ushering in new regrets just in time for the end of this year, I present to you... this work of "what the...?".

Copyright 2013 Matt Ray (mattray.info)
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The Family Christmas Album - 2013 Edition

Track #1: Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
Oh! what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way;
Oh! what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.

Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtail ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight!

Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
Oh! what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way;
Oh! what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.

Copyright 2013 Matt Ray (mattray.info)
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The Family Christmas Album - 2013 Edition

Track #2: Gift Rappin

Gift rappin
Gift, gift rappin
Throwin down paper
You know whats gonna happen

Gift rappin
We be gift rappin
Throwin down paper
Yo, whats about to happen?


Its shopping time, ya'll
I'm at Tar-jay
Checkin out the ads
Like every Sun-day

Gavin wants SkyLanders
Gotta be Swap-Force
Maybe just one?
No, three, of course!

Xbox One or Playstation
WHO CARES?!
We gotta get Phil
some new underwear!

Brand don't matter
Got that Fruit of the Loom
What to get grandma?
Some new PERFUME!

Like Elizabeth Arden
Have you been fartin'?
I think something died
In your flower garden!


Gift rappin
Gift, gift rappin
Throwin down paper
You know whats gonna happen

Gift rappin
We be gift rappin
Throwin down paper
Yo, whats about to happen?


Speaking of stinkers
Quinna's on the list
All she wants
is a great big kiss

No way, man
She aint a fan
Grab the Battroborg
and throw it in the van!

What to get Reese?
She's a cutie pie!
Maybe Weberella
from Monster High?

Works for me
Now let me see
Point me to the nearest
Hello Kitty!

For Addison, yall
Let's hit the mall
Parking lot ice
Yo, just don't fall!


Gift rappin
Gift, gift rappin
Throwin down paper
You know whats gonna happen

Gift rappin
We be gift rappin
Throwin down paper
Yo, whats about to happen?


Chad and Angie
The Chi-town team
Mandy and Keith
Back from overseas

Cathy and Phil
Keepin it real
Icecicle pickel?
Gina, what the dill?

Becky Broke Finger
Holdin it down
Allen in retirement
Look at me now!

Everybody hangin out
Dancin to the beat
Enough of this crap
You know it's time to eat!

Copyright 2013 Matt Ray (mattray.info)
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The Family Christmas Album - 2013 Edition

Track #3: Santa Claus is Coming

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better not pout
I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is comin' to town

He's making a list
He's checking it twice
He's gonna find out
Who's naughty or nice

Santa Claus is comin' to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

So you better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why

Santa's coming!
Santa's coming!
Santa Claus is comi'n to town

Copyright 2013 Matt Ray (mattray.info)
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The Family Christmas Album - 2013 Edition

Track #4: Christmas Clap

Christmas

Copyright 2013 Matt Ray (mattray.info)
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The Family Christmas Album - 2013 Edition

Track #5: Reese's Masterpiece


Copyright 2013 Matt Ray (mattray.info)
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The Family Christmas Album - 2013 Edition

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Copyright 2013 Matt Ray (mattray.info)